My New Years Resolution

This is not one of my typical postings. I like to show updates on our tire home building, show projects that we are working on and discuss self sufficient living in general. But as the new year begins, I have lost someone near and dear to me that I considered a brother. I loved him so much, but haven't seen nor spoken to him in awhile. Moving away from family to Northern Maine has had some challenges. Losing touch with some of those that I loved has been one challenge.

I am learning as I go. I am still a baby, growing up and learning how to do many new things. Physically and mentally, growing up has been somewhat exhausting. I have recently come to know Christ and have been engrossed in learning some of the basic teachings from Him. I have always been a kind and caring soul; but not always there for others as I should. I am learning how to be present in the moment. As a mom of 4, with a small farm and full time job as a nurse, I am pulled in many different directions. I don't always fully listen to what is being said because I may have 2 conversations going at once. This is something I am working on now. My New Years resolution: to be present.

Lord, help me to learn how to do this. My beautiful children need their mother to be there. They need to know how much I really do care. My husband of 13 years has learned how to be present very well yet I haven't been able to figure out how he does it. When I lost my friend last week, I have been frantically wanting to search for a picture of him and I together yet haven't made the time. Hubby went through every photo album we own and found pictures of us together. Albeit just 6, but he made that time on top of taking care of the farm, the children, and me. 

He takes care of me like a real man should. Why? I'm not quite sure how I deserve the love that he gives but I am learning to be grateful for every single moment I am blessed to have with him. He says I do enough because I financially support our family, but somehow I can't imagine that I give to him a fraction of what he gives me. Every day my needs are placed above his own. I struggle with some health issues right now but feel guilty that I cannot do more. To him? It doesn't seem to bother him that he pulls all the weight (literally) around the house. I can only lift only so much because of my back, and he has acclimated his life to mine. My goal is to be present to him and all his needs physically and emotionally. I reflect on my friends life and that is what he has taught me. Thank you, Kenny. Thank you for teaching me this. You were always present in the moment. 

Think about this as you go through your day. Are you half listening to your mom when she calls or your friend when she tells you for the tenth time about how the coffee shop got her latte wrong? Be there, in that moment, regardless of how you feel about that situation. Love your family and friends to the fullest of your capacity. Thank God for every moment with them that you are given. I know I will be reunited with them in Heaven, but that time in between may be long and difficult. Give, give, give. Give more than you think you can handle. Love more than you think you are capable of loving. Make this year a year to remember. Get off the internet and be present. 

Blessing,

Virtually amish homestead